I Shouldn't Have Titled That Craigslist Post, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn"

An Apology to Readers of the Dubuque, IA craigslist/for sale/baby+kid stuff Section for My Misleading Ad

Okay, so here’s what happened. I mistakenly ordered two pairs of baby shoes from Amazon. You know when you make a duplicate order by mistake? Two of the same item in your cart, and you’re checking out fast, so you don’t realize it until the UPS guy brings the damn things to your door? You can’t tell me I’m the only one who does this. I feel like I’ve done it at least two or three other times. Definitely one time with a 3-hole punch. And if there’s one thing nobody needs two of, it’s a 3-hole punch. Am I right?

Anyway.

There I am, a frazzled, first-time father-to-be, with two pairs of the same kind of baby shoes, at a time when we can barely afford basic necessities. Turns out the vendor’s return policy leaves a lot to be desired (no five-star rating for you, Toddler Mart!), so naturally I turn to the ol’ Liste du Craig to try and unload the extra pair.

I realize now how my ad must have read. I can’t fault any of you for jumping to the conclusion you did. I would have done the same. I am very embarrassed. In fact, I hope this is the most embarrassed I ever am for the rest of my life.

For the record, my wife recently gave birth to Harper Rose, a beautiful, precious, ONE HUNDRED PER CENT ALIVE baby girl.

I am genuinely touched by the condolences that poured in from all over the state, surrounding states, and as far away as Vancouver, Canada. I received flowers, poetry, bibles, stuffed animals, and a tuna chicken casserole. Again, none of this was necessary, because my baby did not die, but it was all very much appreciated.

To Trevor and Jessica Finch of Sioux City, Sanjit and Ellen Singh of Minneapolis, and Jeffrey and Gabriel of Des Moines: I have no explanation for why fate dealt you such a cruel hand, but I’m truly humbled that you choose to share the details of your own tragedy with me, in hopes that it might alleviate my suffering, although once again, just so we are totally clear on this, my baby is alive.

Did anything good come of this awkward misunderstanding? A thousand times yes! It showed that that whatever else may divide us, we’re still capable of reaching out a hand in comfort to a fellow human being during (what was mistakenly assumed to be) their darkest hour. I can only hope to instill in Harper Rose those qualities of compassion, empathy, and selflessness you all have shown me these past few days.

The shoes are still available, $25 OBO.